Hacker Memes

Also me: Googles "how to center a div" for the 500th time.

Me: Probably a false positive. *marks all as resolved* *goes back to sleep*

Pentester: I will destroy your entire infrastructure with a smile and a signed NDA.

Also Blue Team: Google.com is blocked by our own firewall and nobody knows why.

CISO's laptop password: Company@123

Production server 3 months later: SELECT * FROM users; — 47 rows returned. All passwords in plaintext.

Client: Could you maybe downgrade this to 'Informational'?

SOC: False positive, close it. *company gets ransomwared by morning*

Company: Out of scope. As a thank you, enjoy this $50 gift card and our appreciation.

Also script kiddie: *runs Metasploit against their own localhost*

IT: It keeps hackers out. CEO: Remove it, it's making my Netflix buffer.

Blue Team: Our detection capabilities are industry-leading.

SOC: False positive, ignore. *2 hours later* SIEM: 2,000,000 failed login attempts. SOC: Hm. Still probably fine.

Me: *immediately finds open RDP with default creds on 192.168.1.2* Sir... I need to talk to you.

Dev: Define 'fully'. Also our user database is a public S3 bucket.

Attacker: Found it in 12 seconds via Shodan. It was on the first page.

Same employee, 10 minutes later: *clicks email titled 'FREE IPHONE CLAIM NOW URGENT'*

Me: So I can test... the favicon?

"It's basically spam-clicking 'False Positive' for 8 hours while slowly losing the will to live."

Me: That's like saying your house has never burned down so you don't need fire detectors.